This Is Life

Life became very stressful this past month. But the good kind of stress where my brain and body work towards a healthy exhaustion everyday. I didn't realize how stressful the grad school application process is - personal statements, essays, back and forth between SD and Irvine to talk to professors for LORs, transcripts, LSAT, etc. I don't even want to BEGIN my rant about the LSAT and standardized tests in general and how they indicate nothing but how much privilege you have. Thank god Layla is going through this arduous process with me so I have someone to bitch and complain to about how we must go through hell in order to experience heaven. Ok, not even to experience heaven (law school is probably hell#2)....but just to have a chance to say we went though hell.

Thankfully, I'm also interning at the Family Justice Center which gives me time to breathe and surround myself with people who share my passion for DV issues. I work under the attorney who manages all cases of family violence that need service with temporary restraining orders. It's sometimes draining because I see clients (mainly women) who walk in with 3 or 4 kids, some with crazy bruises, hoping there's room for them in the overcrowded shelters to seek safety from their abusers. But it's also sometimes entertaining because I get to read about all the cases and how the victims frame their story, one of which began with "we got into a huge fight before and after sex...." Basically, I get excited when I go to my internship because there's never a dull day!

Anyway, I was feeling very defeated and unmotivated after taking my second LSAT diag on Saturday. The LSAT is really testing my dedication, focus, motivation, and self worth. I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm not gong to let this HUGE BLOCK in the road stop me from getting me where I want to be, even if it takes me a couple more years to get there. I've found a new appreciation for 'processes' this past month...although inevitably because I had no other choice BUT to appreciate it (is this what people call maturity?) I thought I understood gold year's quote to the T, but I've found new meaning for it which comforts me everyday-

"The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving."

...Which brings me to my next revelation. Yesterday was Alicia's 22nd birthday/fundraiser at beauty bar. I get knots in my stomach just thinking about how during this time last year, we were all gong crazy in Vegas celebrating her birthday, waking up still drunk at 7AM going door to door to Nevada residents to campaign for Obama because Alicia was so committed to his cause. The sleeping beauty still hasn't woke up from her coma but she is slowly and surely improving. Alicia's mom takes care of her 24hours a day and is running low on funds needed to support all of her medical expenses. Please support if you can!

www.sendinglovetoaliciabailey.com

I wish she was physically there with us yesterday to celebrate her birthday, and I know she still has much to do here on earth. She just needs to stop having so much fun in her dreams! Alicia, we all love you and miss you so much-






Cherish the connections made and time you spend with people everyday before it's too late. Even the guy you see every so often that sells you cigs at the same gas station. Jdot said something during SPOP closing this year that really stuck with me: in SPOP, we love our spoppers even before they walk through the door and way after the 2 days end. We should carry that SAME attitude with us everyday when we see people AND even after we meet them. (There's always irritating TFC spoppers but we know there's a reason why they act the way they do and still learn to love them, right?) This is probably one of my favorite qualities about Alicia, she is never quick to judge and always treats people with the same respect and kindness that they deserve. I'm very appreciative of all the people who've made an impact on my life and I try to express it as much as possible. You're NEVER guaranteed another breath to do so.

I don't even know if she reads this but,

I really love my sister Christine. She's like my mom, my sister, and my best friend ALL IN ONE - who could ask for more? I mean, I love all my sisters equally but I think since we are so close in age I just inevitably gravitate towards her more. She's been there with me throughout everything in my life and one thing I really value is that she is ALWAYS straight up with me and supports me NO MATTER WHAT. Any decision I make, she supports me.....even if she thinks it's a stupid decision. She lets me make my own mistakes so I could hold myself accountable for my decisions and LEARN from them. I'm never afraid to run to her when I'm feeling weak with the same issues over and over again, afraid that she'll get tired hearing it from me...because I know that she'll never get tired hearing it (I guess she's like my personal therapist for free, and god knows I could use one lol). When I talk to her one day about some revelation I've had....then talk to her the next day about how I feel the complete opposite...she is never there to judge, always there to just listen and support. She's gone through SO MUCH SHIT in her life (and today when I was talking to her, she told me that I don't even know the half of it!) that I respect her so much for the wisdom she has to offer and for who she is today...

If you have people like this in your life - people who are older and wiser and have learned through experience, who you will trust with your soul, and who you KNOW will support you no matter what....thank them, and be appreciative. ALWAYS. I really don't think I would be able to get through life without her.

my true love

Me, Jos, and Stacy were watching old Music Machine videos the other day and it brought back the passion in me to get on stage again. Seriously, singing was MY LIFE back in highschool! I don't even think many people know I applied to UCI as a vocal music major, and I'm kind of disappointed I didn't really continue singing while in college (on a side note - I'm going to really try and quit smoking because my vocal range and stamina are complete shit). Singing really is one of my hobbies that truly brings me joy and love. So...I picked up my guitar again the other day and started singing. I sang and sang until I cried and cried. I just released every emotion possible and it was such a therapeutic experience!

I wonder what would've happened if I continued with musical theater? There was a brief point in my life where my goal was to be on Broadway (lol).

This was the song I was singing the other day that just brought me to tears. I don't really know why.. (I've never seen Wicked although I know all the words to the soundtrack!)..I think the lyrics just got to me. Anyway, Idina Menzel is one of my idols - just listen and watch her passion shine through when she performs...



Ahh ok back to LOGIC GAMES!! Have a beautiful day :)