I like to think of myself as a pretty fearless person. Even in the face of death I really have no fear - which is either a blessing or a curse depending on how you see it. I personally like to think it's a blessing. I'm convinced I was a cat in my past life because it seems like I have 9 lives. (Maybe 7 now).
God understands that I'm a learner who learns best the HARD way. It's the age old debate of definition through opposition: How would you know joy if you didn't experience pain? How would you appreciate what you have if you didn't lose it all? How would you know a healthy relationship if you didn't experience a toxic one?
My friends and family had to watch me slowly lose myself (my motivation, goals, health, and self respect) as I spiraled down to a place I vow never to visit again. And for what worth? To teach me very valuable life lessons I just wasn't able to see through rose colored glasses. But I'm making a commitment to my health (physical, MENTAL, emotional, spiritual), a commitment to making smarter life choices, and a commitment to listening to both my mind and body to recognize unhealthy attachments from the beginning.
Thank you universe for slapping me in the face and getting me back on track - I desperately needed it.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Growth in 4 years
Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I'm already missing my sisters, niece, and nephew terribly! I used to HATE going to family parties back when I was immature and selfish. As evidence, take a look at this post I found on my xanga-
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
My oldest sister, who I don't really talk to or care about, is moving to Guam for a couple years because of the military. I was going to attend friendship games at csuf with the best friend, but I was obligated an pressured into coming to her going away party. Good thing I have a laptop, and good thing she has wireless, or else I'd be sitting here watching tv with this little boy whom has no relation to me whatsoever. While sitting here on the computer I decided to list reasons why I hate going to family parties:
REASONS WHY I HATE FAMILY PARTIES
1. fake ass filipino relatives who gossip the whole night
2. everyone asking me HOW'S COLLEGE?
3. drunk uncles who try to make casual conversation which I don't care about
4. me having to fake a smile and hug everyone
5. the wasted time I could be using on other important things, like sleep
6. OH my fucking god, and another uncle just came up to me AS I WAS WRITING THIS asking, "how's college?"
7. being compared to all my sisters
8. AND ANOTHER PERSON JUST CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED HOW I WAS DOING
9. annoying, stupid, loud little kids
10. talking to people I don't really know and care to talk to
Just so you don't think I'm a total bitch
REASONS WHY I LOVE FAMILY PARTIES
1. the food
2. the drinks
I can't believe I gave up a saturday for this shit
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I remembered feeling that way while I read that post, but it is such a foreign feeling to me now because of how much love I've developed for my family since then. No more faking smiles and hugs - that life was so depressing anyway.
My heroes, my guidance, my support, my love:
I thank the universe everyday for blessing me with amazing family and friends. It makes a world of a difference when you stop obsessing about life in the future and take a step back to be grateful for what you already have. Whatever works for you, but gratitude is always my path towards peace.
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Saturday, October 22, 2005
My oldest sister, who I don't really talk to or care about, is moving to Guam for a couple years because of the military. I was going to attend friendship games at csuf with the best friend, but I was obligated an pressured into coming to her going away party. Good thing I have a laptop, and good thing she has wireless, or else I'd be sitting here watching tv with this little boy whom has no relation to me whatsoever. While sitting here on the computer I decided to list reasons why I hate going to family parties:
REASONS WHY I HATE FAMILY PARTIES
1. fake ass filipino relatives who gossip the whole night
2. everyone asking me HOW'S COLLEGE?
3. drunk uncles who try to make casual conversation which I don't care about
4. me having to fake a smile and hug everyone
5. the wasted time I could be using on other important things, like sleep
6. OH my fucking god, and another uncle just came up to me AS I WAS WRITING THIS asking, "how's college?"
7. being compared to all my sisters
8. AND ANOTHER PERSON JUST CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED HOW I WAS DOING
9. annoying, stupid, loud little kids
10. talking to people I don't really know and care to talk to
Just so you don't think I'm a total bitch
REASONS WHY I LOVE FAMILY PARTIES
1. the food
2. the drinks
I can't believe I gave up a saturday for this shit
--------------------------
I remembered feeling that way while I read that post, but it is such a foreign feeling to me now because of how much love I've developed for my family since then. No more faking smiles and hugs - that life was so depressing anyway.
My heroes, my guidance, my support, my love:
I thank the universe everyday for blessing me with amazing family and friends. It makes a world of a difference when you stop obsessing about life in the future and take a step back to be grateful for what you already have. Whatever works for you, but gratitude is always my path towards peace.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
asdjasjd
I need to spit out all these thoughts running through my head but I don't have the energy to contextualize them now (must take another diag soon) so I'm going to quickly make a list and you can string them together however you like!
1. DOWNTOWN, SAN DIEGO. Culture, people, connections, movement...movement..movement. I'm in love.
2. Bum on the street with his dog, painting a picture. How did he end up here?
3. Success. Multiple meanings for a single word. How do you define it? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? How are you shaping your path to align with your dreams?
4. Black sisters are getting matching tattoooos!
5. J-O-B. Pay your dues in the corporate world! Opportunities only come to you when you go out looking for them.
6. KEEP DREAMING, KEEP LEARNING, KEEP THINKING, KEEP DOING!! Be uncomfortable in comfort. PEACE!
1. DOWNTOWN, SAN DIEGO. Culture, people, connections, movement...movement..movement. I'm in love.
2. Bum on the street with his dog, painting a picture. How did he end up here?
3. Success. Multiple meanings for a single word. How do you define it? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? How are you shaping your path to align with your dreams?
4. Black sisters are getting matching tattoooos!
5. J-O-B. Pay your dues in the corporate world! Opportunities only come to you when you go out looking for them.
6. KEEP DREAMING, KEEP LEARNING, KEEP THINKING, KEEP DOING!! Be uncomfortable in comfort. PEACE!
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